Hi, my name is Susan and I am a PROgressive...

I'll begin at the beginning of the past 7-year cycle...

7 years ago life brought me to my knees and dumped me in a place not unlike Dante's "In the middle of the road of my life I awoke in a dark wood, where the TRUE way was wholly lost."

November 2007 I found myself ALONE for the first time in my life and seriously doubted my ability to exist. I didn't trust life or myself and for a long, long time doubt pulled me under the waves and breakers over and over and over again. It was as Voltaire described, "Doubt is not a pleasant state of mind but certainty is absurd." Doubt sucked, certainly absolutely proved absurd, and nothing made sense.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease from which I have been in recovery for as long as I can remember. It is my experience that a progressive recovery is required to live the life I wish to lean into. I will never be satisfied just sans alcohol. At best, without PROgressive tools, this dis-EASE allows the Mild Misery River to course through my veins; at worst, it makes life unlivable.

I'd recently been stuck cocooning, on the couch, watching every episode of the series du jour and could not, no matter  how much I willed it, get up and DO. And though I knew the answer, my yoga was sparse, meditation was difficult and I was helpless. I couldn't rally, couldn't get my butt in gear. It was as if my "want to" had abandoned me and I was left with vapors of desire and no "oomph".

Earlier this summer, I began to sense that something was incubating, then stirring, and most recently bubbling to the surface. I've put on weight and feel some guilt for my couch-potatoness, but all the while I have practiced self-compassion.  This past weekend proved the "piece de resistance" in the form of Jill Kelly and her book "Sober Play." 

I attended her "Sober Play" retreat which has proved transformational. Something in me has shifted. Had I not been willing to "PROgress" and try something new, I suspect I'd be stuck on the couch and definitely not have started this blog. Since I would not have had a prompt from Jill to, "get the sewing machine out of the box" I would not have an appointment at Tidewater Sew n'Vac Saturday at 1pm for a lesson. Did I mention it's never been out of the box in the 2 years since I purchased it. ::blushing::

I'm sure the women I met and bonded with will be a part of my path for a long time to come. And what a gift I received when during the retreat, cLARity arose and said, "hey, you're a PROgressive.” The thought sort of plagued me, but it's true, I looked it up – synonyms too! I am broad-minded, open-minded, enlightened, tolerant, radical, adaptive… showing continuing action, trying new or unusual ideas, growing, accelerating, increasing, escalating, developing gradually or in stages. Hey, that's me!

It has taken time, willingness and an entire entourage to be sure, but with the love and encouragement, from far too many friends to name for fear of leaving one out, I have not only survived, but am coming out the other end of the darkness transformed. Though we walk the path and do the work ourselves, we do require help.

I have listened to my heart sing, allowed my “sand to settle and my water to clear” and my intention is to write the remaining chapters of my life outRAGEOUS, outLOUD, CURious and COLORful from my HEART...

I expect there will be more of this...

l8r, Susan Rees
p.s. Meaningful resources for me are: AA, Kyczy Hawk @ Yoga Recovery, Carrie Coppola of Mudita Yoga who introduced me to David Whyte, Mary Oliver and Pema Chödrön, leading me to Chögyam Trungpa and Shambhala Durham, and finally, Ron Chapman my teacher in the flesh of Breathwork, Progressive Recovery and SeeingTrue.